I’m gonna ask you to read that title in a 4th-grade-book-report voice. This is more whimsy than woe. 🧚♀️
Ok. So here’s why I’ve been depressed…
…I mean, let’s be honest, there are near infinite reasons (#theworld), but this is a sort of cherry-on-top, straw-that-breaks…or maybe final-puzzle-before-the-level-up kind of thing for me…
OK SO HERE’S WHY I’VE BEEN DEPRESSED (I am so distract-y lately)
People have been telling me I sound like Kate Bush for OVER A DECADE. Like…it happens all the time.
And oddly enough, that original comparison (I was 24) was the first time I’d ever even heard of Kate Bush. So she was decidedly not an influence on me as a young artist, making the frequent comparisons all the more magical-feeling.
It goes without saying, once introduced, I was mesmerized, deeply flattered by the likening, and struck with a sort of cosmic, kindred-souls feeling.
And while I am thrilled by any and every Kate Bush mention, I also know that I field an overwhelming measure of criticism, as an artist.
I’ve been told again and again that my music (and my overall artistic output) is a little too weird, too heady. Too little of X, too much of Y. Not mainstream enough. Not cool enough. Too fantastical.
And I’ve so often thought that maybe I’m just an artist in the wrong time. That Kate Bush could be weird and whimsical and mathematical and conceptual and so many LOVED her for it in the 80’s…but I’m just too *something* for the current moment.
But then…Stranger Things.
Sans spoilers, Kate Bush’s EXQUISITE song “Running Up That Hill” (which I covered SEVEN WEEKS before S.T. Season 4 aired) is featured heavily and meaningfully in the show. And it’s having a HUGE popular resurgence—topping charts, taking over TikTok, the works.
And I’m kind of just left thinking…if Kate Bush can speak to the mainstream here and now TODAY, why am I too zany/dense for that same populace?
TANGENT –
I’ve spent the last several years terrified of this looming question, “what do you want?” Like – what is the actual goal here?
With the one-two-punch of my narcissistic family structure and a bit of scrupulosity toward a high-demand religion, I’ve often felt paralyzed by even thinking about what I want—I get feeling bogged down by worthiness issues and identity confusion.
But I think if I’m really being honest…what I want as an artist is to be able to semi-regularly visit a few cool cities (you know…Seattle, Portland, Austin, Chicago – may I wish for Glasgow? – or any other lovely place) and play to a room of 150ish fans who really want to be present and feel something with me. To go somewhere with me.
And I have to say—most of the time this earnest longing feels hopelessly mismatched with probability.
BUT, I’ve been having some art-piphanies recently. It’s all very mushy still, but I feel like I might be right on the cusp of something with a higher meaning. Something a little more radical.
And anyway, I’m just trying to lean into what feels intuitive, if messy.
So. Hey-hi welcome!
Thanks for being here with me. I’d love to hear what weird shit is going on in your one-of-a-kind noodle, of late.
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New song info coming soon…
Love,
Em